You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
