He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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