Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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