you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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