wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
