I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
