this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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