My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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