sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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