im drinking this country out of the recession.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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