i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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