my phone needs a breathalizer
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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