Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
