he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
