he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
