In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
