Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
