you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
