Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
