I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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