If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
