how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
