why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
