Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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