I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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