i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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