I got her a Nickelback box set.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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