i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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