so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
