I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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