I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
