New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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