Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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