that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
