he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
