M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
