My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
