her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
