You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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