I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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