i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
