Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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