So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
