i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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