My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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