thus making me awesome and them whores
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
