Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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