I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
