no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
