let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
