Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
