This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This toilet bowl is my home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
