I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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