its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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